Snickers bars are from Mars

So, this may be played out but I haven’t seen much about it, just discussed it a few times. Snickers has a new ad campaign, with billboards that say “Hungerectomy” in the same style as a Snickers bar. On the one hand, pretty impressive that their brand recognition is such that they no longer need to put the name of the product on the billboards. They’re the best-selling candy bar of all time. Well played. On the other hand … what in the Sam Hill are they thinking?

The word hungerectomy just sounds unpleasant and overly clinical. And any sort of medical procedure is decidedly not something I want to think about when eating peanuts, caramel and delicious nougat coated in a fine layer of chocolate with a mysteriously satisfying swirly layer pattern on top. Mmm. I get it, I get it. There’s a “hunger inside me” and Snickers is removing it by filling my stomach with sugar and fat. Except change “ung” to “yst” and hunger to “lady business” and you get an entirely different connotation. Yes, Snickers. I do not, in fact, want to think about my reproductive organs being ripped from my midsection while enjoying your confectionary concoction. In fact, it makes me a little nauseated.

No, I don’t want to catch a fever of flavor from your bars of heavenly delight. No, no, I do not want to come down with savor pox when eating your multi-layered candies. Heaven forbid I contract pustules of deliciousness, hemerrhoids of scrumptiousness, delirium tremens of taste, a dangerously high heart rate due to a sugar rush of sweetness … I do not want my mouth to be overly watered, my taste buds too overloaded, my tooths to grow too some, my body to grow weary of the incessance of ambrosia … leave me be, Snickers! Stop trying to kill me with your nectareous taste of epic, nay, God-like proportions! Why?!

This isn’t the first ridiculous ad campaign Snickers has dreamed up, either. I recall one that featured athletes with a “hunger inside them” who desperately needed Snickers to satisfy them after or during their sporting activities. Because nothing helps with your workout than white-sugar laden candy.

Undoubtedly, this will prove itself to be a brilliant ad campaign (it got my attention). What do I know? My ad campaign idea for Snickers (or any candy) would just be this - Snickers: Just one won’t make you fat. Probably.