Keep on a Rock-in Me, Baby

So if you own a television or have been to the movies at least once in the past month, chances are you've seen the commercial for the new The Rock movie Gridiron Gang. It's being marketed as one of those feel-good, tough-love-coach-inspires-rebellious-little-shits-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks-with-motivational-you-can-do-it-and-don't-ever-let-anyone-tell-you-that-you-can't-now-drop-and-give-me-20 type speeches movies in the vein of Remember the Titans and Dangerous Minds.

Yes, from what I can tell, the dialogue is tired and the plot is contrived. The tag line on the promotional posters is "One goal. A second chance." Which is only slightly better than Dangerous Minds' "She broke the rules...And changed their lives." Good god. If my life has gotten so pathetic that I need Michelle Pfeiffer to help me turn things around, just stab me in the face and put me out of me misery.

But ANYWAY...my point is that despite all of this, I still secretly (well, I guess not secretly anymore) want to see this movie really badly. The commercials manage to make me get a little misty-eyed watching these kids try to make it against all odds while simultaneously making me want to jump on The Rock and have my way with him. Is it wrong that in the span of a 30-second commercial, I get both sad and turned on?

I would be ashamed by all of this, except I suspect that there is at least one other slightly sad soul out there who kind of wants to go see this movie this weekend, too, who also wants to smell what The Rock is cookin' (in bed--fortune cookie rules apply). If you're that person, let me know: I'll buy the popcorn.