Hipsters Ride their Giant Bikes to the Oedipus Complex

I start this with a disclaimer saying that I love hipsters. Oh hipsters. Being around you makes me feel young again. When I am in a crowd of you and you don't look at me askance, I feel like I might not be as old as I feel. And I just found out last Thursday that you like cookies. I had thought that you subsisted on a diet composed solely of foods available only in limited quantities, for a brief period of time, that were ironically packaged and simultaneously retro and modern. Imagine my delight when I discovered you enjoyed simple things like cookies.

Anyhow, that aside, I have noticed that a common mode of hipster transport seems to be the oversize bicycles. While many people in Chicago ride bicycles, it must be said that the only people I have noticed riding these giant bikes are hipsters. I am not sure why this is so - did you guys decide at your monthly hipster meeting? Are you making these bikes from recycled parts? Do these bikes need the momentum of ironic social commentary in addition to fierce pedaling in order to move? I do not know. I only know that I have seen many people riding these bikes, and all were hipsters.

This brings me to my point. Hipsters, I am worried for you. Those bikes are so high, and you are more often than not so waiflike and frail. I fear you are pedaling straight for disaster!! For you see, much like Oedipus suffered from hubris or excessive pride, I fear you too, hipsters will suffer his tragic fate. I do not necessarily think you will inadvertantly kill you biological father over the belief you have the right of way, but I do feel that by placing yourself so high above the rest of us, you are setting yourself up for an even longer fall from grace.

Oh hipsters. Someday a good gust of wind, a baby seal or a Coke can will befoul your path, and then, then, you will tumble down from your high perch, crushing several fragile bones along the way. You might think that the Hush Puppies you bought at Thom McCann will protect you, but they will not.

I fear for your safety, hipsters! Please, invest in some normal-sized bicycles. No one should have to climb onto their bicycle. Stop trying so hard, hipsters. Just throw one leg over your normal bike and pedal fast. You'll get to the obscure rock shows faster that way.