Bio-engineered pets are totally creepy

So naturally I was completely alarmed when I came across Genpets online. Can you even imagine owning one of those things? Thankfully, they're not real. They're artworks created by Adam Brandejs.

But before I knew this, I read the frequently asked questions on the Web site, along with my co-workers, and we all freaked the eff out. Some sample questions: "Do they feel pain?" Answer: Yes. However the Genpets have limited vocal chords so they will not create a large amount of noise when disturbed. Aughh! That's so horrifying. It's completely like, a starter kit for little serial killing children. "No one hears your cries, GENPET!" Timmy's mother wondered why he had gone through seventeen Genpets in 4 months, but he was so eager for a pet ...

So yeah, those things totally look like they will cut you in your sleep. It was only when I saw that crazy picture of the kid on Christmas morning that I knew these things had to be fake. Kind of scary that the idea of a human/animal hybrid packaged and sold as a household pet (which you can purchase in two versions - one-year lifespan, or three-year lifespan) did not seem that impossible to me. I think it could in theory be done, and that some scientists are unethical enough (or sufficiently blinded by their love of experimentation) to do it.

Once I calmed down and scrapped plans for a force field around my home that would be impenetrable by GenPets, I thought about cloning (genetic mixing, cloning ... all scary manipulations of genes, you know). While the idea does frighten me, a clone could be dead useful, you know? If I were to receive an adult clone of myself, (who would want a baby clone? BORING) here is what I would do:

1. Name the clone. I thought about naming it Shaggy 2 Dope, but that name is already taken by a member of the Insane Clown Posse, so juggaNO to that one. I think I would call it Clone Kristin, to avoid confusion. That way, if you ever need to kill my clone, you won't accidentally kill me instead, because I won't answer to "Clone Kristin."
2. Once the clone is named and settled in, I would then have her try on pants to see how I look in them from all angles. We would then go shopping and replace all my pants, because undoubtedly this exercise would make me hate all of them.
3. While at the mall, I would get my clone a weave. I have wondered how I would look with a weave. I might also make my clone dress like a tramp, just to see what kind of reaction she gets.

4. When we got home, I would have my clone speak and record what she says, then play it back, just to prove that I really DON'T sound like recordings of my voice.
5. I would use my clone as a scapegoat. Anytime she or I did anything embarrassing (ask out a boy, fall down, get caught with my Fabio scrapbook ...) I would blame Clone Kristin. Clone Kristin will understand because if she is like me she will have a very forgiving nature. Plus, the daily reminders of how she is only here in case I need an organ will help her to toe the line.

I am sure there are more things I will do with Clone Kristin, but I can't really think of them right now.